Narcissists are known for their charm and ability to win over people. But what happens when the relationship turns sour? Narcissists tend to go through a series of stages that make it difficult for you to leave them: love-bombing, devaluation, discarding and hoovering.


Narcissists are masters at making you feel as if they're the only person in your life. They will shower you with attention, gifts and compliments—and it's all a lie.

They love-bomb you with flattery, attention and affection so that they can win your heart over. This is the beginning of an intimate relationship with a narcissist: they'll be extremely attentive and flattering; they'll shower you with attention; they'll be very loving and affectionate; they'll pay close attention to your needs; and/or they'll be really generous


  • You will be devalued.
  • You will be criticized for your appearance, your lifestyle, your friends and family, and everything else about you.
  • The narcissist may ignore you for days at a time without explanation or apology.
  • The narcissist will stop listening to what you say or caring about how you feel. They may act as if they never met you at all!


You will know when the discard phase has begun because your narcissist is done with you. They don’t care about you anymore, and they are not going to get better. They have no intent of changing their ways and they certainly won’t change for you. The discard phase is a time of mourning, loss and grieving for many victims of narcissistic abuse as it marks the end of a relationship that was once full of hope, love and promise at the beginning. Every day brings new lessons learned in this process that ultimately leads towards healing one’s heart from all forms of abuse inflicted in this toxic relationship with a narcissist if followed through with determination while keeping faith alive within oneself despite everything seeming hopeless at times during this painful journey full of turmoil from being discarded by such an abusive person who had seemed so promising when first met face-to-face; however, over time revealed themselves to be far from perfect at best or even remotely good enough for anyone else except perhaps themselves


Hoovering is a technique where the narcissist tries to re-engage you after a discard. It's more commonly called "hoovering" because of the way it makes you feel—like you're being sucked back into the vortex that is your relationship with this person.

Hoovering can be very subtle, so it might not register as such for some time. But when you start feeling like something isn't right with your partner, take notice of things like:

  • They seem more interested in hanging out with friends than with you (especially if they've been distant lately)
  • They are suddenly talking about other things besides how much better off they'd be without you

A relationship with a narcissist can destroy you if you don't know what's happening

It's easy to get caught up in the beginning of the relationship. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know how to make you feel like you're the crazy one. They will use all sorts of tactics, including gaslighting, triangulation and projection to make you doubt yourself.

Narcissists are experts at making people doubt themselves. They will accuse their victims of being "crazy" or "delusional" if they ever dare question anything about them or their behavior!

They will also try to get you hooked so that you don't leave them by saying things like: "I'll never find anyone else who cares about me as much as YOU do!" Or: "We share such an amazing connection!" In fact many narcissists go so far as to say things like: “If I can’t have YOU then no one else can either." This is often used by women who have been abused by men but it's also common among female narcissists when they need support from others while doing something harmful against another person."


If you have a narcissist in your life and you're being manipulated, know that it's not your fault. Narcissists are masters of disguise. They can be so charming and charismatic that they'll make anyone fall in love with them at first sight—but don't let them fool you! The sooner you see through this façade, the safer you'll be from having your emotions exploited again.