The idealization phase is the time in a relationship where everything is perfect. You are the most amazing person that they have ever seen, and they can't wait to spend every second with you. The devaluation phase is when they start to show their true colors, and all of a sudden you are no longer good enough for them. The discard phase is when they end it without any explanation as to why (or even if) it was your fault.*

Idealization phase:  you are the perfect partner.

The idealization phase is a time of intense euphoria, where the borderline becomes drawn to you and your relationship. The BPD sufferer may appear to be very much in love with you, as they experience feelings of infatuation and lust. This can also be accompanied by other symptoms such as attachment or dependency on their partner. If you are new to dealing with someone who has BPD traits, it can feel like a dream come true: they seem so perfect!

The person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder will often say things like “I never thought I could feel this way about anyone before”; or “You’re the only one who understand me”; or “you mean so much to me”; or even just “you make me happy”. The sufferer will then begin showering their new partner with lavish gifts and other signs of affection such as flowers and cards – but remember that this is part of their illness – they are not being truthful when they say these things because they don't know what truthfulness means (or even care) at this stage in their recovery journey."

Devaluation phase: suddenly, you are not so great.

It’s common for a borderline to devalue their significant other in the beginning of a relationship. They may be angry at you for no reason, or constantly making fun of you, or being cruel and manipulative.

They will also devalue themselves, projecting their self-hate onto others. For example, they may say things like: “I’m so stupid!” or “You are so much more successful than me!” This is known as splitting: it is the act of seeing someone (or yourself) as either all good or all bad with no middle ground. Borderlines often do this because it helps them avoid feelings like shame and guilt and defend against painful emotions by attacking themselves instead (and thus avoiding the need to confront any negative feelings about others).

Discard phase: they dump you with no explanation.

When you're with a borderline, you never know if you are still in the relationship or not. You may be there one day and gone the next without any explanation. In fact, as soon as they realize that they don't need your help anymore, they will leave.

You feel abandoned and alone. The person who was supposed to be there for you has now left and all of those feelings come rushing back to mind: the pain of rejection, loneliness, self-doubt and distrust of other people (if not everyone else). It feels like it happened yesterday but also like it was years ago because that's how long ago it actually was when they told their story about leaving their last partner/friend/romantic partner/etcetera after ten years together because "he didn't support me enough when I needed him most." You wonder whether this is your fault somehow but then realize that even if it is your fault somehow—and chances are good that it isn't—it doesn't matter because at least now things will get better! Right?

Most relationships go through phases, but some are more difficult than others.

Most relationships go through phases, but some are more difficult than others. For example, I have been in a relationship with my borderline girlfriend for three years. We've had our ups and downs over the course of that time, but generally speaking, we have been happy together. However, at times things have gotten very intense between us—and sometimes these intense moments have led to uncomfortable situations where we were both crying or yelling at each other.

So what do you do when your partner is going through something like this? How can you help them? The following article will provide tips on how to deal with your loved one during these times:


We’re not saying that you should stay in a relationship with someone who is abusive or manipulative, but the idealization phase can be very seductive. Just remember that this person is not really interested in you as an individual; they are only interested in how much they can use you to feel good about themselves. Don’t let yourself get caught up in their game!