The term "narcissist" is often used to describe a person who has an inflated sense of self, who is overly concerned with their physical appearance, and who feels a sense of entitlement. It's also used to describe people who use blame as a defense mechanism. If you've ever been around someone like this, you know how confusing it can be when they deflect responsibility for their actions and shift blame onto others. A narcissist will never take responsibility for anything bad that happens—it's always someone else's fault!


Projection is the act of attributing one's own thoughts and feelings to other people. It's a defense mechanism that's used to avoid responsibility for one's actions, usually by shifting blame onto someone else.

The most common example of projection is when you hear someone say "You think that because I did this." In fact, they're projecting their own thoughts onto you: they're saying what they themselves would be thinking if they were in your shoes.

Another example would be when you accuse someone else of being jealous or envious over something that happened between the two of you—but it turns out it was actually jealousy on your part all along!

Projection can also be seen in paranoid individuals who may become suspicious about other people without reason or evidence behind those suspicions—they are projecting their own sense of guilt onto others (e.g., “You are working against me”). This particular type of projection is called paranoia because it involves believing someone else has evil intentions toward us when no clear evidence exists; however, there are many other examples where this defense mechanism manifests itself in more subtle ways such as making excuses for why we did not do well on an exam rather than accepting responsibility for our poor performance (e.g., “I didn't study enough” vs “This test was just too hard!).


Minimization is when a narcissist tries to make their abusive behavior seem less severe, or even justified. This can happen in two ways:

  • “I didn't hit you as hard as I could have”. This minimizes the violence and implies that there are no consequences for it.
  • “What did you expect? I was provoked!” This makes the victim feel responsible for their own abuse because they were somehow asking for it.


Worry-trolling is a form of online harassment wherein a person seeks to elicit negative emotions from another by posting false or intentionally misleading information. Trolls like to make people angry for their own entertainment, and can be difficult to identify. They sometimes operate under the guise of a person who genuinely cares about you, which can make them hard to deal with. Some worry trolls are narcissists who enjoy manipulating others through fear and guilt in order to gain control over their lives and relationships.


Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying the perpetrator seeks to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief. Victims are made to think they are going insane or they begin to question themselves.

If you have been gaslighted:

  • Recognize that you're being manipulated by someone else's behavior
  • Validate your feelings/perceptions (you were not crazy!)
  • Take action when needed (make an appointment with a therapist or tell others about what happened)


Victimhood is a form of narcissism. Narcissists love to portray themselves as victims, even when they aren't. They do this to deflect blame for their own problems and make themselves look better in the process. When someone has narcissistic traits, he or she may also engage in victim blaming and self-victimization in order to make themselves appear better than others (like the rest of us). Thus, narcissists can be both perpetrators and victims at once—a convenient duality that allows them to avoid responsibility while simultaneously feeling superior.

Victimhood is important because it gives narcissists something else to talk about besides themselves; after all, if you're always talking about yourself then it's hard for anyone else around you get a word in edgewise! This way, instead of having conversations with people who don't care about what's going on inside their heads (such as family members), narcissists can turn any conversation into one where they're being persecuted by the outside world just like Jesus Christ himself!

Now that we've gone over how victimhood works as an escape route from taking responsibility for our actions...let's move onto why some people choose not become victims at all times!


Reframing is a way of changing the context of a situation. It’s also a way of changing how you think about something, and ultimately, it can be used to change the way you think about yourself.

Reframing is a tool that narcissists use to blame shift and deflect responsibility for their actions onto other people or circumstances. They do this in order to avoid owning up to their own mistakes or flaws so that they don’t have to feel shame or guilt over them (and thus risk losing control).

Here are some examples:

  • If your partner had an affair (or cheated on you), she may say “It wasn't my fault! I was lonely! I was just looking for attention from another man because no one talks to me anymore since we got married/started dating/moved in together."

This means she's reframing by implying that her affair was not her fault because she was lonely.


A counter-accusation is a way for narcissists to deflect blame, and they can also use it to get control of the conversation. For example, if you're talking about how your coworker was late again and blamed it on a flat tire, the narcissist might say: "Well, then maybe you should get him to buy better tires."

This is an attempt to take control by shifting the focus away from their own actions onto yours. They'll do this with anyone who tries to call them out on their behavior—even if what they're saying isn't true!

The next time someone tries this tactic with you, remember that their words aren't about us; they're about them trying desperately not being held accountable for anything. Don't let them succeed at making us feel bad or guilty just so we drop our own complaints against them; stand strong in what's right no matter how much pressure there is against us (and there will be!).

It's important that you know how to identify deflections and learn how to cope with them

It's important that you know how to identify deflections and learn how to cope with them.

How do I recognize a deflection?

Deflections can be tricky, because they're usually disguised as an apology or an attempt at clearing up misunderstandings. They might look like "If I had done X instead of Y, then this wouldn't have happened" or "I didn't mean for it to happen like this." But really, the person is only trying to transfer blame onto someone else; they're not truly taking responsibility for themselves or making good choices in the future. If someone comes up with a reason why something was their fault when it really wasn't (or even if there is some truth in what they're saying), think about whether their reasoning fits into your own experience of the situation - does it sound logical? Does it make sense? If so, then let them take responsibility for what happened; if not...


In the end, it’s important to remember that these tactics are a means of avoiding responsibility and accountability. They’re not signs of weakness or inability—they're signs of narcissism. Narcissists don't have the self-awareness or empathy necessary to care about how others feel, so they'll never stop using these methods if given the chance. It's up to us as survivors (or those who care about them) to keep challenging them until they do