People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic. The “idealization-devaluation” cycle in BPD is common in relationships. People who have BPD might idealize you at first, but then they can suddenly turn against you or someone else without any warning. They may also feel intense guilt afterward for having loved someone so intensely one moment and hated them the next.

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic.

You might have a lot of questions about your partner with BPD. It can be difficult to understand the disorder, but it's important to understand that there are people out there who are living with it. As you go through this article, please keep in mind that no two relationships with BPD are alike and everyone's experiences will be different.

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental health condition that affects how you feel about yourself, others and the world around you. People with BPD tend to have an unstable sense of self-image; they think they're worthless or unlovable, or they're unrealistically idealistic about themselves and others. They also have intense mood swings where they experience extreme happiness or sadness over seemingly mundane events in life like being rejected by someone at work or getting into a minor traffic accident on the way home from work.

The “idealization-devaluation” cycle in BPD is common in relationships.

The idealization-devaluation cycle is a pattern of behavior that can be seen in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. People with BPD tend to jump from one extreme to the other when it comes to their feelings about their partners. They may love you one day and hate you another, or they might treat you like a partner in good times but act distant and critical when things are difficult.

This behavior often results in self-destructive acts such as cutting or drinking too much alcohol when painful feelings get overwhelming. It’s also common for people with BPD to become anxious or depressed after their intense relationship cycles end; this can make issues worse if left untreated by a therapist who specializes in helping people with BPD learn new ways of coping with these emotions instead of avoiding them through harmful behaviors like substance abuse or self-harm

What causes arguments or conflicts with those who have BPD?

When you have BPD, your brain functions differently than most people's. You experience intense emotions and have a hard time regulating them. This can lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts and behaviors when you feel overwhelmed.

BPD is a chronic condition that affects many areas of your life—especially relationships with others. Arguments or conflicts are common in any relationship; however, they can be particularly challenging for both partners if one has BPD.

This isn't because one person has BPD and the other doesn't—it's because neither partner knows how to cope with someone who has this disorder.

Symptoms of BPD

While the symptoms of BPD can be difficult to deal with, it is important to remember that it is a very treatable disorder. In fact, the National Institute of Mental Health estimates that up to 80% of people with BPD recover and don't have any remaining symptoms within 10 years after diagnosis.

If you are experiencing these symptoms or think that you or someone you know may be suffering from borderline personality disorder, talk to your doctor or mental health professional right away.

Hopefully, you can remain stable enough to develop tools that help you cope with these symptoms.

If you think you may have BPD and are striving to patch up your life, the first step is to find a therapist or support group who can help you navigate treatment. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists some symptoms that are common for people with BPD:

  • Unstable relationships with others, including intense anger and/or anxiety when close friendships end
  • Unstable sense of identity; frequent changes in values, goals, career plans or jobs; periods of dissociation (feeling disconnected from reality)
  • Frequent suicidal threats or self-injurious behavior such as cutting oneself

It’s important to note that having these symptoms doesn’t automatically mean someone has BPD. The disorder affects less than 1 percent of Americans—most people who experience these things are just going through a rough patch in their lives and don't need professional intervention right away. But if you think it could apply to you, seek out advice from a mental health professional about how best to proceed.

Intense mood swings are common for people with BPD.

People with BPD experience intense mood swings, which can be extremely problematic in relationships. These mood swings can occur at the drop of a hat and are often triggered by something seemingly insignificant. One day, you might be happy and content with your life; but then something happens that triggers a negative reaction—and suddenly you're enraged or depressed for no apparent reason. The person closest to you might not understand why this happened or how they should react, leading to confusion between both parties. In some cases, this may lead to fights and arguments over things like misunderstandings or even unnecessary conflict since neither party knows where they stand with each other at any given time.

One way that someone suffering from BPD can manage their emotions is by learning better ways of coping before becoming overwhelmed by strong emotions like anger or depression. This may include learning techniques such as mindfulness meditation (a type of meditation where you focus on your breathing), practicing yoga regularly (which helps reduce stress levels naturally), keeping a journal when certain events happen in order not only document how they make you feel but also help recognize patterns so that future situations won't throw off balance again; keeping an eye on self-care habits like eating healthy food regularly throughout day rather than skipping meals altogether because "I don't have time."

A fear of abandonment may lead to unstable relationships and dependency.

Borderline personality disorder may make you more likely to form an unstable relationship. In addition, if you have borderline personality disorder and someone close to you does not understand how it affects your behavior, they may become frustrated with what they see as a lack of commitment on your part. This can cause them to avoid or push away from you.

In turn, that could make it even harder for them to understand why their behavior is affecting yours negatively. However, if they're willing to work with a professional who has experience dealing with BPD patients (such as a therapist), then together they might be able to find ways of making things better between the two of them without sacrificing one's personal safety or happiness."

It can be exhausting to listen to someone with BPD complain about their relationships, especially if you don’t feel like you’re getting the same attention from them.

When you are dating someone with BPD, it can be exhausting to listen to them complain about their relationship. It is important that you do not take things personally or get defensive when your partner is talking about how another person has wronged them or how their feelings have been hurt by someone else.

It can be difficult for your partner to understand that there are times when they need a break from their relationships, so it’s important for you to understand this and provide the space that they need at these times.

You should also remember not to criticize or judge your partner during these conversations – no matter what they say!

If someone you care about has BPD, remember that it takes two people to be in a relationship.  You can't force them to get treatment but you can offer your support.

There are things you can do to help your partner and make them more comfortable.

  • Don't be afraid to offer support: If you love someone who has BPD, it's important to remember that they are still the person you love and care about. Even if their behavior is difficult, try not to take it personally—it's not because they don't like or love you back.
  • Listen without judgment: You may have questions or concerns about how your loved one behaves, but avoid making accusations or bringing up past events when discussing current issues. Instead of telling the person what they should do differently in a given situation (such as avoiding an uncomfortable topic), give them advice on ways they can cope with their emotions in the moment by saying things like "I know this is hard for you," or "I'm here if there's anything I can do." This will help them feel understood rather than attacked/criticized by their partner's response

Life with BDP can be difficult but there are ways to cope.

It may be difficult to understand and cope with a loved one who has BPD, but it is possible. You can better your relationship by becoming more aware of the signs of BPD, being patient, supportive and understanding. Sometimes you may have to walk away from the relationship or get help if needed. Remember that it's not your fault and remember that you are not alone!


There is no doubt that borderline personality disorder is a serious condition. But if you are in a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed, it can be helpful to understand what they are going through. By doing this, you will be able to support them better and make your relationship stronger. It’s important not only for those affected by the disorder but also for the people around them because relationships are very important in everyone’s lives.