Narcissists and borderlines have a lot in common, but the biggest thing they share is their need for validation from others. While narcissists use other people to feel better about themselves and borderlines use other people as objects, both types of people rely on others in order to feel good about themselves. I think the most important thing that narcissists and borderlines can do for recovery is find ways to get this external validation without relying on others so much—something that will take time but is possible with the right tools and persistence.
There is no cure for NPD and BPD. But they can be helped. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are both serious mental illnesses that can cause significant impairment in day-to-day functioning.
However, with the right tools and persistence, people with these disorders can learn to manage their symptoms and reduce their suffering—and improve their interpersonal relationships as well. Both narcissists and borderlines need to trust themselves; validate themselves; learn self-compassion; develop effective coping mechanisms; practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or yoga; understand how trauma impacts them differently than other people, which is key to being able to empathize with others without feeling abandoned or betrayed by them when they inevitably fail you yet again due to your own limitations/insecurities/fear of abandonment/neediness etc.; heal from past wounds caused by neglectful or abusive parents who didn't provide you an emotionally safe place growing up
What Narcissists and Borderlines Have in Common
Both narcissists and borderlines are sensitive. They both have a deep need to be loved, they both have low self-esteem and they both struggle to trust themselves.
However, there is one important difference between these two disorders: Borderline Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of instability in moods, behavior, self-image and relationships lasting at least two years; whereas Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by exaggerations of traits associated with normal self-esteem (such as vanity) or grandiosity that are often accompanied by fantasies of power or importance.
I think the biggest thing narcissists and borderlines have in common is their capacity to love, to be loving, and to be loved.
I think the biggest thing narcissists and borderlines have in common is their capacity to love, to be loving, and to be loved. This is not always apparent because those with these disorders are so used to receiving poor treatment that they have learned how to protect themselves by becoming defensive. They do this by lashing out at others without any understanding of why they’re doing it or what it is that causes them distress; which leads them back round into a cycle of self-hatred and self-punishment which only serves to make them feel even more unloved. Narcissism doesn’t just mean that someone expects others need meet their needs but also requires others meet theirs – sometimes at all costs! If you don't fulfill their needs then you're going against everything they stand for (or so they think).
The narcissist has an underlying belief system where he or she believes that he/she deserves everything good in life including other people's admiration and praise for no reason whatsoever - or worse still: because he/she thinks he/she deserves it! A Borderline also feels entitled but not in quite as exaggerated terms as his colleague does: however both share similar traits when interacting with others such as manipulation through blame shifting etcetera."
The most important thing for both kinds of people is to feel loved.
The most important thing for both kinds of people is to feel loved. For narcissists, this will mean finding someone who loves them unconditionally and won't allow them to treat others badly.
For borderlines, it means finding a way to love themselves, even when they don't deserve it or can't believe it's possible.
For both types of people, feeling loved by God might be the most important thing of all: if we are truly created in God's image and likeness, then when we see ourselves through His eyes (which is what happens when you get closer to Him), we'll recognize our own inherent value and worth as children of God—and knowing that will change everything!
This needs to come from others, because both borderlines and narcissists feel defective in some way or another.
You are not alone. Narcissists and borderlines are both sensitive people who feel unloved or defective in some way. This is why they need to be loved by others, because they don't feel lovable on their own. They need validation from someone else to believe that they can be loved and accepted as themselves. They may act out in destructive ways because of this underlying insecurity about not being good enough for you or anyone else.
This defectiveness is internalized as a result of confusing what was done to them by parents or others with who they are as people.
This defectiveness is internalized as a result of confusing what was done to them by parents or others with who they are as people. If you were abused as a child, how would that make you feel? Would it be normal to feel angry and upset? Would it be normal to want vengeance on those who hurt you? Narcissists and borderlines internalize their abuse in such a way that they blame themselves for everything—even things that aren't their fault at all. They believe this because they've been taught this mindset since childhood through their interactions with caregivers or other people around them.
For both narcissists and borderlines, this other-validation is important because they do not trust themselves.
What is the best way to help narcissists and borderlines? How can we help them trust themselves, their feelings, and others?
The answer is simple: we must encourage them to seek out other-validation. Other-validation means that you allow another person to tell you whether something is true or not. This can be helpful for narcissists because they have low self-esteem; they don't trust themselves enough to know what's going on inside them all the time (and neither do we). It's also helpful for borderlines because they have difficulty trusting themselves—they don't always believe what they feel or think, even if it seems obvious that it's right. And it's especially important as a method of helping both types of personality disorders because narcissists are terrified of being ridiculed while borderlines are terrified someone will leave them (or worse: abandon them).
They do not believe that they can provide themselves with the validation they need.
The narcissist does not believe that they can provide themselves with the validation they need. They do not trust themselves, so they seek external sources of validation. This is one reason why many narcissists have an abundance of friends and acquaintances: if you're a narcissist, it's important to be with people who will affirm your sense of self-worth and importance. Narcissists also use others as sources of love, affection and validation because they are convinced that no one else could possibly love them for who they really are.
Narcissists' lack of self-esteem makes them dependent upon other people for their own feelings of worthiness; this creates an unhealthy relationship dynamic in which you are always trying to cater to their needs while getting nothing in return except constant criticism or blame when something doesn't go according to plan (and remember - there is never anything at all wrong with how YOU act).
Unlike borderlines who neglect themselves while seeking out others' affection/validation/love (that only leads them down another rabbit hole), narcissists actively avoid looking internally by constantly seeking external sources instead--focusing on what OTHER PEOPLE think instead of taking action based on what THEY want/need rather than doing whatever feels best at any given moment...
Furthermore, since they are so sensitive, they need more external validation than the rest of us.
Narcissists and borderlines also need external validation more than the rest of us. As a narcissist, your needs are often not met by other people because they are too busy trying to meet their own needs. Borderlines have difficulty getting their feelings validated because they often aren’t able to verbalize them in an organized or consistent way.
Therefore, narcissists and borderlines need more external validation than the average person, which can make life difficult for them if no one listens or validates them enough. They want to feel loved, worthy, connected with others (especially emotionally), and not alone in this world. If you don’t give that to them then you will likely be ignored or rejected by them later on when things get tough between yourselves
Narcissists and borderlines can recover with the right tools and persistence.
You can't force a narcissist or borderline to do anything. You can't make them trust themselves, love themselves, believe in themselves and validate themselves. They have to do it on their own—but they can.
The most important thing you need is persistence. The person who has been broken doesn't have the resources at hand to fix him- or herself—so they need someone else's persistence. Narcissists and borderlines will fight you every step of the way; but if you keep doing what needs doing until they collapse into exhaustion, there will come a time when your efforts pay off and you've won their heart for yourself alone.
In conclusion, I would like to say that both narcissists and borderlines have a lot going on in their heads. They can be manipulative, self-centered and mean. But they can also be loving, sensitive and kind. It's important for us to remember that behind every bad day we may have with them is probably a very good one just waiting for us around the corner if we are patient enough to stick around long enough to see it!